The amount of stupid people must increase as gas prices do.

Okay....seriously.

Gas prices are ridiculously high. This is a fact that literally everyone knows. And if you don't, you must live under a rock. Not only does the media dramatize it every night on the radio, but just listening to or observing your surroundings you could gather that gas prices are too high. My cat even knows. Seriously...he has to listen to me bitch every day about how I have to pull money out of my ass just to get the last few pennies to pay for my 12 gallon tank that on average costs me 40+ dollars. Yeah. My cat agrees that gas prices are stupid high.

This post wasn't even supposed to be about my cat and his empathy for me.

So, in response to the gas prices escalading higher than Mt. Everest, people have chosen to ride their bikes. Well! Hot damn! What a brilliant idea!!! No sarcasm at all, it really is a good idea. For several reasons:
1. Riding your bike is eco friendly! You do not emit harmful gases into the air which could in turn add to the negative effects of global warming! (Ha...global warming..) in fact, by the act of exercising, you could argue that you are releasing CO2 that will help the trees continue to the production of the oxygen we all know and love.
2. Its better for your wallet. Seriously. You may look at bike prices and laugh. Bikes aren't cheap either. But look at it this way, when you spend a thousand plus on a bike, you may feel like you are screwing yourself over by the hunk of metal (or if you're really ambitious- carbon) that will more than likely sit in your garage for 3/4 of the year. BUT! if you are filling up your tank over twice a week, your spending a shit ton of money on gas. So...buy the friggen bike.
3. Along with making your wallet seem fatter (fuller!), your bike will help keep you on shape. No more feeling like a lazy fat-assed american! No sir! Sit yo ass on a bike and you will be amazed at how I'm shape you will be.

Long story short, bikes are great! And I would encourage anyone and everyone to go out and purchase a bike today and start using that as yours means of transportation. (Within reason...I'm not expecting anyone to travel over 5-10 miles on a bike. No.)
However, if you decide to be overall smart and ride your bike....do not make an ass out of yourself. So...to conclude this lovely post, I write to you. You know who you are..

Dear asshole cyclist,

I was so happy when I saw you riding your bike down the road. Finally! I had thought to myself. People are finally catching on that bikes are a positive idea! Being the happy person that I always am, I wore a smile as I pulled up behind you and slowed down. I understand that you cannot see behind you, so I was doing the courteous thing. Now, when I first came up behind you, I did not feel comfortable passing you. This is because I was going up a hill and could not see beyond the top. How was I to know if there was a semi truck hauling ass over the hill? My impatience could have gotten us both killed! So, you're welcome.
I had figured that by the time we got to the top, you would have seen me with my blinler on, knowing that I was trying to pass. And sir, I KNOW you saw me. You turned your head and looked directly at me. I could have stared into your soul, that's how direct the look was.
I'm sure you can imagine my confusion then when we started traveling downhill. I had seen there was no oncoming traffic, so slowly I began to pass you.
Why the hell did you decide, at that precise moment, to veer into the center of the ****ing road? Hmm? I'm only curious.
So, me being me...I slammed on my brakes as you continued to cross the rest of the street. Cussing up a storm I retreated back to my original lane and began to accelerate back to normal speed.
Now, my dear asshole cyclist, why in the hell did you decide that as I was about to pass you -YET AGAIN - it would be a good idea to veer back over to my side? Bipolar much? Jeez.
I will not be apologizing for my rude acts that followed. You deserved my engine revving and me passing you at 65 mph. You also deserved my rude gesture as I drove past you. Because you, my assshole cyclist friend, are number one!
But please, I beg of you... if you have a death wish, don't try to feed it by driving wrecklessly on a bike.

Thanks for almost making me a murderer and going to jail for the rest of my life.

And so my fellow readers, if you ever choose to ride your bike in place of your car- awesome! Way to be! Just don't ride like an asshole cyclist.

Good day,

Barber.

P.s. - this is my irritated face towards the above mentioned asshole cyclist.

Can't you go be an idiot somewhere else? ~Squidward

A Day in the Strawberry Field

So as many of you may or may not know, I chose my path of work to be at a farm this summer. Now, before you freak out in a panic attack about how awful it must be to milk cows or cut off chicken heads, I can assure that this farm is no such place. No! This farm is a special kind of farm. This farm is a strawberry farm. On this glorious farm only the top pickers are hired and we are trained to pick only high quality berries that are at the peak of their existence- fully loaded with wonderful flavor! We promise to serve you with a smile knowing that you will be going home with wonderful tasting berries that are sure to taste wonderful in whatever way you choose to use them. (We recommended eating them plain, or perhaps with shortcake or cheesecake. But I understand that there are some sick twisted people in this world...) so, please! Come on by and pick up some smiles...I mean strawberries. (:

Seems like a wonderful job, right? Flexible hours with a great boss and wonderful coworkers. If it rains we don't work! And the pay is wonderful if you are focused and pick a shit ton of strawberries. But let me tell you, my fellow reader, it is not all smiles in the strawberry field. In fact...its actually a lot of bitching! Such as, "holy shit it's hot as hell and I can't even take this right now" or "what the hell.... it's noon, why are we still here?" Or "what the hell are these weeds that are shooting seeds at me and inTO MY EYES???" Or....my personal favorite... "OH MY GOSH THIS BERRY IS HUGE AND I AM SO HAPPY.... fuck, it's rotten." Yeah. I'm not kidding. Then you get to drive home drenched in sweat and covered in dirt and seeds. And the workers, myself included, often ask ourselves why we bother to get up before the sun rises to go and try to survive another day in the field. But really...we are all just kind people who enjoy bringing smiles to out customers when they bite into a nice ripe strawberry and not some gross nasty rotten one. (Which has also happened in the strawberry field. It's gross, trust me.) So next time you buy fresh strawberries...you better enjoy them.

Yours truly,

Barber

Rule #32: Always enjoy the little things.

Oh my...he called me Babe!!

My day has pretty much been overall shit. I mean, I got to see my lovely friend Ren today at her open house. And then I had a fun sisters date watching the Rugrats and making baked goods. But otherwise I've just been blogging and being bored. Then people just piss me off and I get way too frustrated for my own good. But whatever. On top of that my best friend, who also happens to be someone of which I have feelings for, is off in a faraway land having adventures and isn't able to talk to me as much as usual. Talk about super sad. I miss the kid like crazy. But we got to talk for a little bit today!!! Which was awesome. Because I enjoy speaking with him. The conversation was pretty dull and normal. But.... when he said he was going to bed, he called me babe!!!! I haven't smiled that big in a longgg time. I highly doubt he even said it for that reason. But it pretty much made my day... never forget to acknowledge the small things (: in the end they are all that really matters.

Signing off,

Barber
 

"Don't forget to stop and smell the flowers."